Remember (if you are of a certain age) when you played a record in reverse there could possibly be revealed some sort of eerie subliminal message? What if, by going backwards in your own life you would find hidden messages, beliefs that. you respond to even if you aren't currently aware that they are there.
There are a lot of questions I ask people when I first meet them for a therapy appointment. Sometimes when I take a history, people will say," I don't want to really spend time talking about my past." or "Why does my childhood matter?" "You can't change the past, so why are we talking about it?"
I will tell them, "I know we can't change the past, but we look at it to discover the formation of beliefs, or even of past traumas that anchor us to a situation, event or time and place in history for which we circle around over and over but can't get beyond. It's a way to unpack that heavy backpack and decide what we've been carrying around for too long that no longer serves us but maybe hinders us. It is a way to KNOW what wounds have never been healed so that we can take steps to HEAL them so that we can GROW beyond the anchor that keeps us stuck in life."
Memories are important. We cannot remember everything that has happended to us, so we usually will remember events that connect to a theme in our life. The things we remember could be because they were traumatic or because they fit the strory we tell ourselves about who we are or who other people are. They also tell us if the world (or people) are safe or unsafe. But the funny thing about memories is that they can be distorted. People and events can take on a caricature-like quality. Ask two siblings about a family memory and you are likely to get two very different versions of the same story. And in each version you learn more about the individuals beliefs and how they view the world. If we can understand how we define our past, the beliefs we developed along the way about ourselves, others, the world at large, we can start to decide if those beliefs are actually accurate or helpful.
Do they fit with who we are and who we want to be?
Did they fit a certain time in our life but do not fit who we are now.?
Have they harmed us or stunted our growth in anyway?
Do they keep us from freely being who we were truly meant to be in the world?
Sometimes the beliefs we develop have formed our strengths. Sometimes rewinding our story might just bring up some forgotten beliefs about who we are and where we came from that reveal to us gifts and talents and a sense of pride and purpose to focus on going forward. I am very intentional in helping people to uncover their strengths. Exploring the past can sometimes feel like it digs up a lot of pain so it is very important to see the strengths that helped a person survive or thrive.
When we look at the past through this lens: as an avenue to affect change in our present view of things, we actually are positioned to change our future. When we can challenge and replace those past unhealthy beliefs, or let go of coping skills that allowed us to survive at a time when we needed them but no longer serve us, we grow. Or on the positive side, when we see family values and beliefs that give us a sense of indentity and purpose, our past can give us a positive sense of who we are. Our past holds a lot of keys for us to move forward. It helps us decide what we want to keep from it and what we want to discard.
So let me challenge you, what will you find when you rewind?
This post has been a late addition to the FMF writing community due to some travels that have allowed me to visit and challenge some old worn out beliefs and also to remember strengths and legacies instilled within the lives of both me and my husband to be past down through future generations.
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